So every time I start writing songs I gotta
Face the things I’ve been hiding from.
If I had deciphered my mind and my thoughts to start this year, this tune titled ‘follow the Leader’ by George the Poet featuring Maverick Sabre would pretty much sum up my thought process.
I love my mom but I don’t wanna see her right now
‘Cause she’s gonna take one look at me
And worry about my lifestyle
Don’t Worry about my lifestyle. – George the Poet.
Obviously, it’s a blessing to have people in your life who care about you. I know I have many people in my life who do. If I don’t reply to their message they instantly worry, or if they see I’m not where they feel I should be, they worry even more.
My mum hasn’t always been comfortable with how I choose to live, and I’m sure a lot of African sons can relate to it, but above all she just wants me to be ok.
My life, style, and lifestyle has changed a lot over the last 2 years, going from being in central 5 days a week to being lucky to go out once a week for a walk out of my house to name just one example. I try to make most of the different chapters in my story regardless. I’ve often felt that people close to me decide what’s best for me, and the older I get the less it feels like advice, but more as control. My decisions like my personality are very unorthodox. And just like everyone else, some pay off, some come at a pricey cost. However I always want them to fit under the same values, and hopefully trust that even if they look bad at a point, my faith will be rewarded.
If I’m not worried about something, I really don’t want someone else doing it for me. But they love me, just like I love them. And just how the word worry is 1 letter more than the word love, it gives us one extra thing to think about the ones we love. I’ll always be optimistic about my future. Recent times can make present personal worries, but I still don’t want someone else worrying about me.
You know your son your son’s got a goal
I got this whole thing under control
Just because one can feel in control, it doesn’t mean they’re satisfied with the speed. I’ve often felt like I’m not where I should be. Even during these current phases of adulthood, I will question God’s plan for me, especially when cruel things happened. Despite all that I’m in control, and when I’m not, I tell myself that anyways.
Yes, I’m losing weight and my eyes are red
Maybe ’cause I’m a man that lies in bed
Racking my brain for answers
‘Cause I’ve been out here running my mouth.
Chatting about progress.
They say it’s a process
But I want it right now
You've gained weight though still ๐
I’m a light sleeper but more importantly a late sleeper, and to couple that with I actually had a long-standing eye infection it was enough for me to come downstairs every day at 2pm to the words: ‘Your eyes are red’. I do think a lot though. Comes with the curiosity. ๐
Bet you said 'I know' back
patience /หpeษชส(ษ)ns/
I constantly battle with the concept of patience, people may see me show it. I guess it’s a sign of progress because I know it’s something that I’ve been actively practicing. But I don’t like it. Never really have still.
My curiosity leads to unnecessary observations and as a result, there’s now an expectation I’m unwilling to wait on. But honestly, God has somehow blessed it with patience and tolerance. There’s no delay to God, even though my reaction whenever I get to a train station suggests otherwise. It’s just not the time.
"This train is cancelled due to a fault" "This bus will stop to 'even out the service'" Inside:
There are so many other factors that fall into place that God is going to give a home to, but in his own time. And the more I understand that, the easier it is. The easier I’m able to brush past trials that I would’ve held onto and look for the jury to back me so that it justified my frustrations.
I love to Sleep, I love to eat
But I don’t get no rest or feast
I have been fasting quite a bit lately but even then my eating habits have definitely dwindled 
, I’ve almost got a ‘uni clock and appetite’, but 
I still love food. And a good nap slaps too, but just like how I’m typing this now, I’ll use my nights to get stuff done I don’t want to worry about in the morning.
But it would be Eazi to be negative around all of this, so what better than to look into this new year with hope. I cannot lean on my own understanding, nor can I trust in men.
Don't misread this and think he's is joining any kind of Men are trash trend ๐
I was doing Netflix with Chill this week and there was this movie I watched called Waves. Not what I expected but very impressed, it showed me how much the decisions, and control we have over our lives and those that trust in us are so impactful. A really good balance of romantic and family relationships. ๐
You gotta be accountable for your own decisions
No matter how strong the influence is, the action you make is your choice. Your decision. It’s how you will be seen, God very much included. It’s a decision you own, good? We thank God. Bad? We thank God too. Because God can forgive you when others are struggling to. And yes this even applies to decisions that were for you (like uni choice), because you’d be surprised how many decisions that aren’t directed at someone can make someone still feel the damage.
Although it made me realise that although we are in control of our life’s personal decisions, life can easily have control over us unless we give it to God. You don’t actually ask God to control you, but you ask God to use you in ways where every decision you make is something that’s aligned to him. More importantly, the movie reminded me that only God can take away any pains you hold onto, any doubts that stop you from reaching a destination, he gave me a healthy vulnerability that people can use to hurt me. Despite the irony in the song, I’m going to decide to follow the no.1 leader there is.
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher ofย our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews Twelve Two.