Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression,
But a good word makes it glad. – Proverbs Twelve Twenty-Five.
In the past and at times even last year, with my career and personal life I definitely had moments of anxiety. And this time rather than sweating it out (literally), I’m going to run to God and write a blog about it.
Anxiety /aŋˈzʌɪɪti/
- is a feeling of unease, such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. Everyone has feelings of anxiety at some point in their life.
Yes it's stolen off Google, turnitin can't arrest me for similarity here
You know that phrase where they say – Your biggest enemy is really yourself?
It definitely is.
Probably still my favourite movie of all time is You Got Served. The Soundtrack is still on repeat in 2025, the story, Meagan Good, the dance scenes, Meagan Good, the Lord is Good Meagan, man it is a classic. Good film.
However one particular scene reminds me of when
Paranoia brought me to my knees
You may or may not have noticed if you know me, but I dealt with an immense amount of paranoia growing up. It led to stress, depression, forced guilt and loneliness. I wasn’t alone in all of those situations… but I believed I was lonely.
I was regarded as the guy in the friendship group that didn’t really go out until Uni, and even if I did there was always a time limit. Last guy to arrive (I’m black and african) and first to leave (10 missed calls at 9pm from Mum). Even though deep inside I was an extrovert, I was shy and with a culture that didn’t really understand my situation, I believed that I was an introvert because in my mind – that’s how I saw things.
I was socially awkward around new people. It was almost like the more excited I was about how I looked, the more worried I was about the fall if it goes wrong. I was also super conscious about sweat patches for probably a decade of my life.
I lowkey laugh at it now but I was so scared of having anything under my arms, I’d never lift my arms up properly. I’d make an effort to avoid it all costs. Even if I had just put a fresh top on. Especially white clothing.
There was a time in Church where I went to this youth event, supporting my sisters who were in the youth concert. I had finally mustered up the courage to ask this girl I lowkey fancied to come through and she did.
It was a hot summer so I wore a t-shirt with very high sleeves. I could hear girls sniggering and laughing every time I got up or moved my arms. I really wanted to believe they weren’t. I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell if it was my t-shirt or me sweating but all I saw was the embarrassment. Every time I saw them after that I avoided them. Even if it meant going a longer route like avoiding a white woman and her child because ‘I’m black and african’. You know what’s even more wilder, I don’t even know if they were even laughing at me for sure.
But heck, maybe I smelt like BO . I probably did but a lot of active youts did at that age. Yet I still felt alone in that, because I didn’t have the confidence in God or myself to tell the difference.
I didn’t particularly rate myself as a guy who would be included in a ‘Nigerian Hotspices’ Facebook page and nor did that reflect in primary or secondary school.
But anxieties became less about how others see me (although they will still exist) and a lot more about proving to myself that I’m capable.
I don’t fear none of my enemies
And I don’t fear bullets from Uzi’s
I’ve been dealing with something that’s worse than these
That’ll make you fall to your knees and that’s
The anxiety
The biggest rival I always say to myself now is… myself.
THE BIBLE SAYSSSS
That we shouldn’t fear our enemies, and if anything love them. The Song by BEP literally calls out Lord in the song. And also refers to Philippians 1:28, but also Matthew 5:44. I’ve learnt that focusing on enemies whether acknowledged or not can easily allow more attacks that my anxiety already opened the door for.
Honestly, just drop a prayer for them like a voting ballot, and keep going on your walk with God.
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
I’ve been dealing with something that’s worse than these
That’ll make you fall to your knees and that’s
The anxiety
Over the last I’d say 5 years, growing in my faith and knowledge of who God is has helped me massively. Counselling whether from good people providing the good word or professionally has helped me tackle things a lot better.
Some people actually still see me as an introvert now. And even though I’m very confident in my extroverted self – I see that being Alone with God is a much better feeling that being Alone with my fears and anxieties. There’s a song by Yolanda Adams that goes ‘take away, anything that displeases you’. And doubt, fear and anxiety are all things that displease God.
It’s not something God wants for us, it’s not just that we should lift God, but that we should feel lifted too. When we’re grounded to the world and not to word – It’s easy for the devil to keep us there, and anxiety is such an easy way that he uses to make us not climb out of it.
I actually should be falling to my knees because of God’s presence, not because of the presence of things that will pass.
What’s worse isn’t what matters. It’s what’s greater.
WHO IS GREATER THAN JEHOVAH LORD DIVINEEEEEEEEE
EXCELLENT JEHOVAH
MARVELOUS JEHOVAH
THERE IS NO ONE GREATER THAN JEHOVAH
LORD DIVINE 🎤